Depression

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(Pictured is an almost-black-and-white shower curtain partially reflected in a foggy mirror. The curtain has butterflies as its design.)

It’s easiest to detect depression when things are going well, I think. The lack of joy is more apparent. When things go badly, you expect bad feelings. Not when things are good.

I thought maybe some of my depression could lift, since my roommates now have both agreed I can keep Lukas. But still, I’m depressed.

I have been doing well with my new year’s resolutions. But still, I’m depressed.

I’m very depressed.

I’m worried about the fact that I don’t have another therapy appointment until next week. Having to skip one week shouldn’t be a big deal, but I really need it.

My former therapist has drop-in hours on campus, so I may try to go. A short session would be better than nothing.

My relationship has gotten so rocky, and the questionability (is that a word?) of its future makes me anxious. And worried.

But I think I focus on the bad things so much to explain why I’m depressed. Perhaps, anyway. And then it doubles, since after noticing more and more bad things, my depression gets worse as well. It spirals.

I got prescribed welbutrin to go along with the zoloft I’ve been taking. I started it today. We’ll see how it goes.

I want to stop feeling empty. I’m just not sure how.

On a more positive note, the other day I slept in a bit, and Lukas kept waking up but curling back up by me or cuddling against me, and I think he may have noticed my mood. I’m not sure. But I love this dang puppy so much!

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